Forgiveness

My sister told me a few days ago that she was having a hard time forgiving a close family member for betrayal, and she said she was afraid she was sinning by not forgiving immediately. It was a statement but a question too. She wanted to know what I thought. Funny how the woman who... Continue Reading →

Lousy with Deep Red Roses

In my haste to minimize my belongings, I didn’t see the brick wall coming. I opened the box: photo albums and picture frames. Easy. Save the pictures, give away the frames and albums. And then it was there staring at me: my wedding album. White and pearly with the words “our wedding” written in calligraphy... Continue Reading →

I Bring Myself Flowers

Today would have been my 15th wedding anniversary. I remember my wedding day in emotions and moments that flash like snapped photos. Waking up with my sister beside me. My hair ratted and pinned in a way I both hated and felt I deserved. Getting dressed with my closest friends all around me. Laughing, smiling.... Continue Reading →

Knowing What’s Already There

I’m not writing tonight because of a special lesson I’ve learned or because something significant has happened. I’m putting down these words, because it’s been a difficult day with a lot of shame and pain and sadness, and I feel the need to be accountable for what I’ve being struggling through today. I’m waiting to... Continue Reading →

In Memory Of

Some of the most difficult shame to heal from is that resulting from emotions we don’t feel worthy enough to have. We argue that we haven’t hurt enough or that others have dealt with more. We criticize what we feel, call it something else, or deny it completely. We see a world with so much... Continue Reading →

A Simple Remedy

What if there was a remedy for shame? What if we were all capable of administering it? What if we all did? My sister shamed me today. Not directly. It was a share on Facebook, a passive-aggressive slap of her sister’s face: Marriage isn’t 50-50. Divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn’t... Continue Reading →

Courage

One of the greatest challenges I face in my struggle with shame is actually facing it. It comes on like an attack, sometimes slow and creeping and sometimes blindsiding me all at once. My response tends to follow the line of fight or flight, and more often than not, I choose flight—repressing it or numbing... Continue Reading →

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