Five Months

Five months ago I turned paperwork over to the judge and he finalized my divorce. My husband—now ex-husband—having read none of the papers I’d given him the month before, was surprised when I called him. I felt free. Today, though, five months feels nothing like restitution for the sixteen years I gave him, the years... Continue Reading →

Silver Lining

A friend told me today about the elaborate plans he had for him and his girlfriend this weekend: a tango lesson and dinner at an uber fancy restaurant. It sounds nice, but it took me a little while to realize why this particular date was a big deal, and it took me a little longer... Continue Reading →

Unfreezing

Rough days come in many shapes and sizes. Sometimes they’re caused by people or stressors outside of ourselves; sometimes they’re caused by what’s within. Sometimes both. Sometimes they freeze us so completely we can’t go forward or backward. Sometimes they last 72 hours. I’ve been having one of those days, but I’m inching my way... Continue Reading →

What Pain Didn’t Teach Me

It somehow seems logical, doesn’t it, that the introduction and relief of physical pain would mimic the same in emotional pain? And that, therefore, existing emotional pain might find relief in the introduction and removal of physical pain. It doesn’t, though. It doesn’t even make the emotional pain more tangible. Instead, it just tears the... Continue Reading →

Be Good to Yourself

Self-compassion is not something I offer myself naturally. I have to stop and deliberately think about it. Every. Single. Time. And even that’s difficult. I don’t always remember to stop and think before I criticize or am unkind to myself. And sometimes I just can’t accomplish it, even when I do think about it. It’s... Continue Reading →

My Fear of Friendship

Shame is the irrational fear that all your friends will eventually abandon you. It is panic after an abnormally long silence. It is being frightened during every conversation that you will say something wrong to turn friends away. It is a fear of trusting and of telling the truth, even to those who have proven... Continue Reading →

In Memory Of

Some of the most difficult shame to heal from is that resulting from emotions we don’t feel worthy enough to have. We argue that we haven’t hurt enough or that others have dealt with more. We criticize what we feel, call it something else, or deny it completely. We see a world with so much... Continue Reading →

A Simple Remedy

What if there was a remedy for shame? What if we were all capable of administering it? What if we all did? My sister shamed me today. Not directly. It was a share on Facebook, a passive-aggressive slap of her sister’s face: Marriage isn’t 50-50. Divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn’t... Continue Reading →

You Are Worthy

Shame is a parasite. A sickness that bores its way into you, bedding itself inside your core, presumably, perceivably dormant, but licking steadily at already sore, already raw pain. It eats away at kindness and love, those which you might give yourself, except for the growing illness coiling its way around your spirit like a... Continue Reading →

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