Enduring this pain on my own, this is my freedom.
I Am Stronger
The Fight Isn’t Over
I’m feeling an enormous amount of shame today, shame and worthlessness and everything that comes with them: hopelessness, sorrow, anger, lethargy, self-judgment. The trigger was a typical “not what I’m looking for” rejection, nothing significant, but I think I must have been ripe for the attack of shame and the sense of unwanted-ness that has... Continue Reading →
The Myth of The One
Isn’t it heartcrushing?
The Value of My Body
My body doesn’t belong to me. Or so I’ve been told and believed most of my life. Who, then, does it belong to? It is God’s temple; it is my husband’s property; it is the government’s, the church’s, a politician’s to make decisions about. I am merely the innkeeper. I keep it clean—in every sense... Continue Reading →
I Decide Now
There is a certain amount of shock—and in my case panic—that comes with realizing that much of what you believe and trust in is false. When I learned just how much control shame had of my life and that the things that perpetuated it were a combination of lies and false beliefs, my world, in... Continue Reading →
Unlovable
Lovable: of such a nature as to attract; deserving; amiable; endearing. Unlovable: not lovable: of such a nature as to repel; undeserving; repulsive; hateful. I imagine everyone knows what it’s like to feel unlovable, if only briefly. It is a sense of unworthiness, a belief that there is no possible way or reason you could... Continue Reading →
Lousy with Deep Red Roses
In my haste to minimize my belongings, I didn’t see the brick wall coming. I opened the box: photo albums and picture frames. Easy. Save the pictures, give away the frames and albums. And then it was there staring at me: my wedding album. White and pearly with the words “our wedding” written in calligraphy... Continue Reading →
I Bring Myself Flowers
Today would have been my 15th wedding anniversary. I remember my wedding day in emotions and moments that flash like snapped photos. Waking up with my sister beside me. My hair ratted and pinned in a way I both hated and felt I deserved. Getting dressed with my closest friends all around me. Laughing, smiling.... Continue Reading →
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